Dear Ferris Bueller,
Thanks for being awesome.
kisses,
court
Gilmore Girls: My Dirty Little Secret January 20, 2014
We all have secrets that keep us going.
Little truths that we tuck into our souls, bury under our heart, fueling us to get through the day.
Now, I’m not talking about what drives us – wealth, passion, faith, the goal to see as many Jimmy Buffett concerts as possible. No, I’m talking about that moment when you feel completely overwhelmed by your work projects, and your cell phone is blowing up with angry texts from your [enter friend, child or significant other’s name here] because you forgot to [enter something you forgot to do here], and you didn’t make it to the gym (hell, do you even have a gym membership), and you forgot to send your grandmother a birthday card, and some high heeled, fur-wearing woman took the last seat in your subway car. That precise moment when the world is tumbling down around you, suffocating you in what’s honestly just another day – that moment is only relieved by your little secret.
Whatever it is that allows you to take a breath, focus, and put the world in right angles again. For some, they hold tight to the idea of just getting home and cracking open that bottle of wine. For others, it’s the lure of spending a night with their significant other. And still for some, it’s the cathartic action of cooking, or working out, or driving the long route home to avoid everyone and belt out your favorite songs.
And yet for others, like me, it’s the pure, unaltered joy of climbing into bed, and watching “Gilmore Girls.”
This, my friends, is my deep, dark secret.
It started when I moved to New York and lived alone. I wasn’t able to fall asleep without the tv on (ahorrible habit, I know, which I go through phrases of breaking and then picking up again). But I couldn’t fall asleep to just anything. A new tv show required my attention, made my brain stay awake and tuned in. A movie? Perhaps, but then if you drift off before the third act begins, you’re just left hanging.
So I started with television shows. “Friends,” “Will & Grace,” “Gilmore Girls,” “Fraiser.” Shows I had grown up with, shows I watched with my parents, shows that gave me a sense of comfort. But over the years, the laugh tracks on most shows kept my mind awake as my body tried to sleep. But ah, “Gilmore Girls” didn’t have laugh track. In fact, it had music that I somehow found soothing, calming.
And so soon, I was falling asleep to Lorelai and Rory every night. The world of Stars Hollow provided a safe haven, the characters so oddly real to me that just hearing their voices made me feel at home.
Perhaps that’s part of the connection as well. My Mom and I picked up “Gilmore Girls” halfway through the series, and the show reminds me of her. In fact, many of Rory’s Type-A personality quirks and college adventures seemed to strangely mirror my own life.
And so, every night when I go to bed, I flip on the DVD player and allow myself a brief respite from the bright lights of New York. I ignore whatever happened that day, the fact that I couldn’t come up with creative idea for a work project, or I didn’t make it to the gym, or I had an extra glass of wine at dinner when I’m counting calories – suddenly, it all goes away. And as I slip into sleep, my mind clears and is at ease.
So, okay. Maybe it’s a little a weird. Perhaps I should branch out on my television series. Maybe try reading before bed or doing mediation.
But then again, in this loud world that can be as wonderful as it is harsh, it’s nice to hold a comfort in the palm of your hand. To know that however the world treats you today, you can choose the ending.
After all, isn’t that what we’re all after?
Gilmore-ily yours,
court
Sorry, Do I Go Right Or Left? January 5, 2014
The night before I started kindergarten, my parents and I were talking about about how the first day would go. Who would be in my class, what my teacher’s name was, and so on. But the most important question I asked my mother that night? “When I walk in the door, do I turn left or right?”
True story.
Even then, I liked to know the outline of my life, where I was heading, how I could best prepare myself. And not much has changed in the past 23 years.
We’re only five days into the new year, and yet yesterday I proclaimed it as “perhaps the best start to a year that I’ve ever had.” It seemed like a magic wand was waved over my head at midnight on Tuesday. Every area of my life seemed to pop with a bright hopefulness over the past week – and I savored every minute.
And yet. This morning in church, it almost all came crashing down. Worries and fears and panics inexplicably set in. Suddenly, I was fretting over where my career would go, what I would be doing in ten years, where I would go if I left New York. And if I left New York, where else would I fit in, could I survive without my best friends? And how long before I finally find my life partner, when will I get married and have kids, at what point will we be ready to buy our own house? Even the immediate concerns weighed heavily on my mind – how am I going to find time to cook all these healthy meals I vowed to make, can I actually force myself to wake up at 5am to go to the gym, will I actually lose those nagging pounds that have been riding on me for the past year?
Go ahead. Laugh. It all seems completely ridiculous for a Sunday morning; or any morning for that matter.
But soon, I realized my issue. I hate the limbo. I hate the waiting, I hate having patience. I want to wake up tomorrow and know that in ten years, I will turn left out of my bedroom to get to my kids’ room in the house that I bought with my husband in southwest PA.
I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to completely quell these fears or concerns. I can’t say that late at night, these jagged thoughts don’t run through my mind, bruising my psyche, tiring my conscious. However, I can say that I’m making another resolution for 2014: to enjoy the limbo. Because, honestly, it’s not really limbo. It’s part of the journey. In fact, perhaps I need to realize that ten years ago, my eighteen-year-old self was wondering who I would be at twenty-eight. My college-bound teen self was wanting to rush through that awkward limbo and get to the part where I would be settled in New York, dating cute guys, drinking at rooftop bars with awesome girlfriends, and working in the theater. Ten years ago, I would go to sleep and wake up wondering which way I would turn out of my NYC-area apartment to get to the living room. Would I go right, or would I left?
Turns out, today, I walk out of my room and go straight down the hallway.
Now there’s an option that I didn’t even see coming.
So here’s to being thankful for the limbo period. The waiting time, the part of the journey that you don’t realize is important. Don’t brush it off, don’t ignore these moments. Cherish them, hold them tight. Because in ten years, you’ll realize that they’ve dictated which way you turn.
sweet dreams,
court
Kiss me, it’s New Year’s! January 1, 2014
So how do you know if you had a grand New Year’s Eve? Well, one indicator might be waking up the next morning to find a balloon floating in your bedroom, which makes you pause to think, “Now, how did that get there?”
And indeed, it was a grand New Year’s Eve.
I’ll spare you all the details, but it involved a small group of fabulous friends, dinner and dancing, glittery tiaras (so glittery in fact, that I’m still brushing sparkles out of my hair), and one of the best pick-up lines of all time.
Oh, interested in that last bit?
Credit must be given to my former roommate, actually, who shared this line with me on Monday in the hopes of making my New Year’s extra vivacious. If you’re single and at a party, take a look around at the potential mates shortly after midnight. Find a man (or woman) who is standing alone, perhaps texting or scanning the room themselves. Walk over, tap them on the shoulder and sweetly ask, “Excuse me, but have you been kissed yet?” When they (hopefully) say no, then smile and say, “May I?” And the rest is history.
So the plan last night was to use that line. And use it I did, about five minutes after midnight, on an assuming, attractive gent. I gathered up my courage, planted a dazzling smile on my face, and plunged ahead with the question.
He said he’d already been kissed and walked away.
Okay, so it didn’t work. And the experience was (slightly) humiliating enough that I decided not to try it again. However, it provided for much amusement – especially earlier today, as the girls and I recapped our tales while sprawled on my couch in a haze of champagne-induced headaches. And, it must be said, that later in the evening I did indeed receive a sweet New Year’s peck from a lovely man who was visiting from D.C. – and I didn’t even have to use the pick-up line.
Perhaps that’s the lesson we should take for 2014. Be bold, be courageous, and go after what you want without any hesitation – and if it doesn’t follow through, don’t even blink an eye. For just a little ways down the road, something better is in store.
And on that note, I’m off to watch Season 3 of SCANDAL. Obsessed. Totally obsessed.
Here’s wishing all of you a bright, sparkly, fresh start to the new year. May this year be the one in which you follow some dreams, conquer some fears, and remember to soak up all the sunshine you can.
happily new years-ily yours,
court
PS If the dashing young man from D.C. who wore square glasses and a grey vest to a party in Hoboken last night happens to be reading this…..well, thanks. You certainly helped to make my night. (And hey, if you’re ever in the area….let me know. Maybe we can start planning our 2015 New Year’s kiss a little early.)
8 Resolutions to Make 2014 a Kick-Ass Year! December 29, 2013
Well, hello there world!
I’m embarrassed to admit that it’s been over a year since I’ve updated this blog – but with the dawning of a new year, I’ve decided to forgive past faults and move on with gusto! And so, on this rainy day (perfect for snoozing on the couch while watching “Titanic,” I do declare), I would like to officially make a comeback to ThanksThanksThanks. And what better way than with a list of resolutions for 2014?
I would try to claim that I’m not a big resolutions gal, that I try to live my life day to day, that I better my habits whenever I need and not just when a new chapter begins…..but who am I kidding? I’m a list-maker, an organized fool. And nothing excites me more than when the world says, “Here. This is a fresh, clean start. Wipe away the old and prep for a shiny beginning.” And New Year’s does just that.
So, I spend some time today thinking about how I like to improve my life in the coming year. How I would like to better my days, contribute more to the world, and go to sleep each night feeling fulfilled and blessed.
And here is the result.
8 Resolutions to Make 2014 a Kick-Ass Year:
1. Make unplugging a habit. The debate of “being addicted to your iPhone/Android and trying to unplug more often” seems to be an old one now. I think we can all admit that at one point or another, we’ve been glued to our phones when we should have been paying attention to the world around us. However, I think we can also (mostly) say that we’ve tried to unplug – but, we seem to have to remind ourselves to do so. It’s now become more natural to have that phone in hand, than it is to not. My goal? Make it an instinct to put the phone down and leave it there. I admit this won’t be easy; especially since half of my job involves social media. But I’d like to get to a point where I naturally leave my phone in my bag when I get home, instead of carrying it in my pocket. And if I need a bit of motivation? I’ll just reread this article, and remember that the messiness of true exchanges are what really make life important.
2. Get more zen (and maybe more muscles, while I’m at it). Two and a half years ago, I started taking yoga – and it has been an incredible adventure. I’ve moved from Jivamukti to Bikram, but with every method I’ve been completely inspired. When I was at full-stream with my training, it was like a torch was lit within my soul – my body firmed up, my patience grew, my creativity was buzzing, my joy was heightened. But then life would get busy or I would get a cold, and classes would be skipped. And it would take me weeks (sometimes even months) to get back in the swing. Well, no more! It’s time to commit. Surya Yoga, I’m coming for you!
3. Keep creating delicious things. 2013 taught me that I love cooking. I mean, I really love it. At the end of a long, difficult day, I would rather stand in the kitchen and cook up something awesome, than sit down with take-out and “Scandal.” (Okay, well, I would eventually sit down with my home-cooked meal and watch “Scandal.” That latter part doesn’t change.) So I’m popping “cooking” up on my list of things to do in 2014. I’m going to make time for it (finally crack open this cookbook that’s been sitting on my shelf for two years), try new recipes and be adventurous. And if you’re in the neighborhood? Stop on by. Cooking for one isn’t nearly as fun as cooking for more. 🙂
4. Tell people why I love them. My Mom is pretty damn awesome. But Reason #478 why she’s so great? She got me this gift for Christmas. And I can’t wait to use it. Get ready world, a lot of gratefulness is going to be coming at you.
5. Have more spontaneous dance parties. I think this speaks for itself. And in the waning days of 2013, I’ve done a pretty good job of upping the ante on this one. (An addedum to this resolution? Dance parties to newly discovered (to me, at least) artists, like this one.)
6. Say “yes”…..and figure out the “how” later. A few weeks ago, I was in Costa Rica for two of my best friends’ wedding. In addition to the ceremony (which I was blessed enough to officiate!), we all went on some pretty awesome adventures. Zip lining upside down, ATVing through muddy mountains, diving into waterfalls, walking down dark roads towards the sound of drums in hopes of finding a rockin’ party (that last didn’t pan out quite as we had hoped). My younger self wouldn’t have dared to even dream of some of these adventures – but my 28-year-old self? She said, “Hell yeah, let’s do it” and then, mid-air, figured out how to turn upside down in the middle of a rainforest on a zip line. It was scary, sure, but the end result? Thrilling. Let’s hope for more of those moments in 2014.
7. Write here more. I’m not going to commit to a certain number of times that I’ll post, but I will say that I’ll post more. Maybe once a week, or bi-monthly. And even if no one reads it (….please, just one person read it? Thanks, Mom.), it’s a creative exercise; something that all of us could have more of in our lives.
8. Have more moments like this (literally, and figuratively).
So here’s to the end of 2013, and to the beginning of 2014.
Wishing you and yours a bright, healthy and joyous New Year!
resolutionally yours,
court
Spontaneous Dance Party! October 17, 2012
That’s right folks. At this moment (well, okay, not this exact moment because in this exact moment I am pausing to sit down and type to you fair ladies and gents), a spontaneous dance party is taking place in my apartment.
What fabulous people are over and grooving to the music, you may ask?
Well….just me.
But! Sometimes, a gal has to break into a groove in the privacy of her own apartment. After all, isn’t that what the fun of having a “night off” is? I highly look forward to twenty years from now when I’m married and have a child(ren) and say to my husband (a la Babs in “Sadie, Sadie” from “Funny Girl”….if you don’t get that, then watch it. You’ll thank me.), “Oy! I need a night off from the kids!” And then as soon as he and the little ones scurry off, I down half a bottle and start ponying (yes, ponying) to the latest dance music.
Music never gets old. Wine never gets old. And the fabulous feeling of dancing around your apartment with no one watching?
Come on. You know you *all* do it at some point or anything.
Give in tonight. Shake your groove thang.
I’m thinking this may be my next song I belt out…..
loudly yours,
court
Scarves, Sweaters & Boots, Oh My! October 10, 2012
Dear Autumn,
Glad to see that you’ve finally arrived. 🙂
Contently yours,
Court
Namaste, Bitches: A More Slightly Serious Post Than The Title May Suggest September 24, 2012
Over the past six months, I’ve started to practice yoga. And tonight, it all clicked for me. Not in some “YES! I can do a headstand! And achieve perfect mediation! I AM A ROCKSTAR YOGI. NAMASTE, BITCHES.”-type of way. But rather, in a very quiet, but very real sense. (Though, I’ll admit, when I finally do achieve a headstand someday, “Namaste, bitches” will be the first phrase out of my mouth.)
The teacher began tonight’s class with a chant and prayer, as always. And, like usual, she gave a brief overview of the month’s focus at Jivamukti. This month, it is “Atha yoga-anushasanam.” If you want the (quite interesting) explanation on what that actually means, click here. For the rest of you, keep reading.
Essentially, this is about how in this very moment, right now, all we need to focus on is one small step. Just one change. And if we slightly shift this unbelievably tiny portion of our world – this one thing that, alone, seems so insignificant – then the rest of our world will shift as well. All it takes is that first, tiny step.
As we moved through the practice tonight, I tucked this lesson away in my mind, keeping it on reserve for those days when I need to repeat a soothing mantra as if it were a worry pebble that I could rub my thumb over. Yoga, I’ve realized, has given me this. Mantras. Understanding. And – dare I say it without sounding too crunchy granola-y? – zen. Tonight’s lesson was a reminder of how just one change, one shift, can set a whole world on fire.
A year ago around this time, a significant shift occurred in my life, one that set a handful of events in motion. And these events did more than shift my world – they shifted the very persona of me. In fact, sitting here this evening, I’m having a hard time trying to reconnect to the person I was just 365 days ago. But thinking back to that time, I realize that tonight’s mantra is right. There was no major incident, no big reveal or accident that changed my life. Instead, there was a quiet moment, where something small, something seemly insignificant, shifted in my world.
And then the story unfolded.
That’s how it always is though, isn’t it? Every story has a beginning. A breath before the words are spoken, a clearing of the throat before the page is turned. It’s just, in that moment, we don’t realize the significance.
So what am I thankful for here, now? Those moments, the small ones. The ones that we bypass because they glean too ordinary for us. Like this one, where you’re taking the time to skim my ramblings on a random blog. It’s perhaps an act of nothingness to you, just something to kill time while you sip your morning coffee or avoid starting work. This, this very moment, reading these words, they’re an ordinary occurrence, nothing special – at least for right now.
But who knows. This could be where your story starts.
Time to let it unfold.
thankfully yours,
court
“It’s Such A Shame That You Don’t Blog Anymore.” September 20, 2012
These are the exact words that my mother said to me on the phone tonight after I had one of the most terrifying experiences in my life (or at least in the past 24 hours).
Did I mention she was laughing?
So, to prove her wrong, I’ve decided to jump back on the band wagon. And we’ll start with tonight’s tale.
It’s been one of those “work hard, play harder” weeks – except today, it felt like it was missing the play part. After staying at work until about 9:30pm (By the way, check out our New York premiere that is playing! It’s amazing! You’ll love it! Yes, I’m plugging our show on this blog! Deal with it!), I schleped myself onto the train, and popped out into my little town.
By this point, even though I was dead exhausted, I was feeling pretty good. Had chatted with one of my best friends to recap our days, felt good about the work I stayed late to do, and hey, tomorrow’s Friday! What could be better?
I called my mom, as requested, to say check in and let her know that I wasn’t dead and had made it to my town safely (oh, parents), and decided to stroll up my favorite street in Hoboken. It runs parallel to the main drag, is dotted with trees and big old brownstones, and generally makes you forget that one street over, frat boys are doing shots at the local Irish pub.
My mom and I are chattering away about this and that, when I entered a dark part of the sidewalk. Squinting, I carefully walked over a part of sidewalk that jutted up from the roots of a trees. And you know that feeling you get, when you just sense something (or someone) is by you? Your blood starts to race a little faster, your eyes dart around in the darkness to make out a familiar shape, you hold your breath as to not disturb this other living thing? Well, I felt it. And as I slowed down by the tree, I saw an animal by the base. It fairly big. And furry. And staring right at me. I shrieked.
“A RACCOON!” I howled into my phone, doing a half-skip half-run down the sidewalk, shuddering in horror. “A raccoon a raccoon a raccoon!! Mom, a raccoon!”
At this point, I’m surprised that she didn’t just hang up the phone, muttering, “How did a sensible woman like myself raise such a drama queen?” Thankfully, being the gracious mother that she is, my mom only merely chuckled. Which caused me to screech even more. Which in turn, caused her to go into a full on laughing-so-hard-I-can-barely-breath fit.
Since we were already on the topic of raccoons, the conversation quickly turned to listing other animals that I a) fear b) have no use for c) will cross the street to avoid at all costs. These include, but are not limited to: pigeons, seagulls, squirrels, aliens, and the like. (Okay, the second to last one isn’t a real animal, but we’re going to include them there anyway. And if you even try to tell me that ET is cute, you have another. thing. coming.)
It was somewhere in the midst of my retelling about how a pigeon tried to dive-bomb on me the other day that my mother said, “It’s such a shame that you don’t blog anymore. These would make for great stories.”
And, like always, she was right.
Now, it’s time for bed. But expect more posts soon – I’m back, baby.
thankful that my bedroom doesn’t have any birds or raccoons or other weird critters in it,
court
Here’s Looking At You, Kid. June 21, 2012
Well. It’s certainly been a while since I’ve visited you all here, hasn’t it? (Nearly four months, I’m ashamed to admit.)
My gut instinct is to explain my absence. To dissolve into a re-telling of life over the past days and weeks and months. And if I did? I would tell you about how two days after my last blog posting, I lost another dear person in my life – and how it ever so slightly, but most significantly, shifted my family. I would prattle on endlessly about the family trips to Florida, Pittsburgh, Virginia, and the engagements and graduation celebrations we shared. I would gush over the fact that I love my job more than I ever thought was possible. I would share the moments when I realized that the small but precisely sharp pain I felt in my gut was not my heart or soul breaking, but readjusting to a new life.
I could tell you about that. But instead, I’ll tell you this.
Tonight, I sat on a pier in my town and watched “Casablanca” with about 100 people. It was nighttime, it was hot (oh, so hot), and the lights from the city skyline gleamed across the river. At one point, I laid down on the blanket next to my friend. As Bogie and Ingrid whispered their passion to each other, I looked up at the sky, wet and grey with the heat.
And I saw a star.
Squinting, I found a few more. Not too many. Just enough to let you know they are there, but still give you the need to constantly search for them, seek them out, hold them tightly in your gaze for fear they could wisp away into the atmosphere at any moment.
So I held onto them. Staring, gazing, holding them in my sight. Spotting stars near a city like ours, that’s a real treasure – and I wasn’t about to let them go.
But of course, the movie came to an end, the projector screen came down, the dinner picnics were packed up, and we all headed home. But I knew my star was still out there. Perhaps tucked away, snuggled tightly behind a piece of the sky – but it was there. Glimmering softly, just waiting for the next time I would go to find it.
Here’s to being back in action, and hoping that you find your own star.
Happy Solstice, everyone.
yours,
court
ThanksThanksThanks 
